My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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