gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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