I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
