Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
