I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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