Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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