I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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