Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
