i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
