She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
