Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
