Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize