just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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