i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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