Where did you get a picture of my penis
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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