Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Randomize
