its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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