I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
