Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
