he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm both gender and math confused
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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