I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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