dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
