I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
