it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
