omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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