I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There's always time for handjobs
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
