I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Randomize
