FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You have to summon your inner elephant
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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