Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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