IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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