The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
