She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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