Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
