Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
