ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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