he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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