Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
