Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
