You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
