God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
