wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
