I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize