the condom got lost in my hair
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
