hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Do vagina's smell?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
