I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Less talking, more tequila
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
