Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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