Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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