Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
