Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
