Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
