If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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