I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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