Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
