why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
