these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
