Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My penis needs a shock collar
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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