I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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