I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
