Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You work out of a Hotel?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
