Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
