i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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