Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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