im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So vagazzling was a success
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
