theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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