We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
