If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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