the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
