I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
