I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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