if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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