They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
