if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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