I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
