maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
