I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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