'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
