i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize