Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
