remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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