The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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