Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
