The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
accomplished twins. life is a go
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
