let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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