it glows. i had to have it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
