I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
