She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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