dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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