I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Say something about gay babies.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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