ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
