I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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