She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
