You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize