yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
