...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
