dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
