you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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