Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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