when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
