Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
