my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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