it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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