just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
