So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
