When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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