A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
