you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
