i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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