You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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