Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
