i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
