either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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