ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He better not be in your backpack
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This is my gift to your gina
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize