why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
