So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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