For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize