so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
