i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
this beer tastes like vomit already
and i looked up. we had an audience...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
