you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
