She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
