Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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