Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize