She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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