So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
