Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
