i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
