All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
