At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
