Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
