I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize